More than a few times I've been asked what my exactly inspired my writing .
As much as I hate to admit it, my writings are birthed from the daily battles I face with my health . Most are about my inner wars in self acceptance and embracing my cross instead of dragging it around.
The past two entries were in response to this:
I was supposed to have a job interview yesterday, however that quickly changed when making my way into the bridal shop this morning.As soon as the head manager saw the wheelchair her face went from a smile to a bewildered frown. She asked if I could walk, to which I answered no, and began listing what I could do. She turned her face looked up and said, "we don't have any open positions where your abilities might be useful,and I'm not entirely sure you are seeking the correct kind of job site suited for people like you. We have a reputation to uphold, and the designer is very exclusive on whom he chooses to work in his stores." My first reaction was to bring up the ADA Act, but it just didn't seem like it was worth my time. So, I wrote a letter to the company's corporate office. We shall see how far that takes me.
It's bothersome to see how much ignorance there is nowadays .
Complete rudeness and utter disregard for the individual whom they've chosen to strip of their rights and person hood in front of employees and customers. May God have mercy on her soul, and may she never be put in a situation as the one she put me in today.
Though I've chosen to forgive, these incidents and negative confrontations do leave scars. I just choose to TRY to let go and move on, assuming it's ignorance, or fear.
They do affect me though..they feed into my own daily fears and insecurities, making me feel,
(on my worst days) purposeless, lonely, and unbelonging. It feeds into my worst fear, that I will never be understood or accepted, cherished as much as I am by family and by my beautiful best friend (my dog, Dannielle.
) She passed away this February from cancer. I know I am made for more than this, but do others recognize this?
As much as I hate to admit it, my writings are birthed from the daily battles I face with my health . Most are about my inner wars in self acceptance and embracing my cross instead of dragging it around.
The past two entries were in response to this:
I was supposed to have a job interview yesterday, however that quickly changed when making my way into the bridal shop this morning.As soon as the head manager saw the wheelchair her face went from a smile to a bewildered frown. She asked if I could walk, to which I answered no, and began listing what I could do. She turned her face looked up and said, "we don't have any open positions where your abilities might be useful,and I'm not entirely sure you are seeking the correct kind of job site suited for people like you. We have a reputation to uphold, and the designer is very exclusive on whom he chooses to work in his stores." My first reaction was to bring up the ADA Act, but it just didn't seem like it was worth my time. So, I wrote a letter to the company's corporate office. We shall see how far that takes me.
It's bothersome to see how much ignorance there is nowadays .
Complete rudeness and utter disregard for the individual whom they've chosen to strip of their rights and person hood in front of employees and customers. May God have mercy on her soul, and may she never be put in a situation as the one she put me in today.
Though I've chosen to forgive, these incidents and negative confrontations do leave scars. I just choose to TRY to let go and move on, assuming it's ignorance, or fear.
They do affect me though..they feed into my own daily fears and insecurities, making me feel,
(on my worst days) purposeless, lonely, and unbelonging. It feeds into my worst fear, that I will never be understood or accepted, cherished as much as I am by family and by my beautiful best friend (my dog, Dannielle.
) She passed away this February from cancer. I know I am made for more than this, but do others recognize this?
I have a love/hate relationship with my two most influential muses- Juvenile Parkinson's and Dystonia. Some days are tougher than others, though I don't like to label my days depending on my health.
At the age of eight, a year after my symptoms had begun appearing, I decided that I'd never allow this my diseases define who I am. Of course, looking at myself now, I'm not sure I've done the best job these past couple of years.
You see, these two neurological disorders have definitely made my life much different than I'd hoped it would be.
Let me explain this in the most generic way possible. These symptoms which are on-going, and between the daily task of trying to figure out how decrease the muscular spasms, but maximize the time where you are well, while remaining aware that the smallest amount of medication taken extra could may help rid you of the pain, but end up ruining your day by causing dyskinesia, you end up finding yourself many days exhausted. This takes me back to the verse I began with- Mark 14:38
I'm only thirty-three but some days I FEEL sixty-three. Some days, I want to do so much, but my body will not cooperate with my will. You learn the true meaning of "flexibility," in situations like these and to rely on God more than you'd like to. After all, we all long for independence, right? Relying on God is usually most people's back-up plan, but I have learned that no one is ever really independent. If for no other reason than in our humanity, we were created f
or relationship; first with God,then with eachother. So despite this twisted idea society has planted into our minds, of dependence somehow translating into weakness, I choose to believe that one needing help from another when in reference to a medical/ physical necessity really is not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Because no matter how big the designer is you work for, or how much money you make, how much make up you wear to cover your scars, we are all made of flesh and blood. We are all human, making us all susceptible and vulnerable when it comes to suffering. This is truth.
I have a love/hate relationship with my two most influential muses- Juvenile Parkinson's and Dystonia.
At the age of eight, a year after my symptoms had begun appearing, I decided that I'd never allow this my diseases define who I am. Of course, looking at myself now, I'm not sure I've done the best job these past couple of years.
You see, these two neurological disorders have definitely made my life much different than I'd hoped it would be. I choose to focus on the blessings that have come as a result of what I go through, rather than ponder on what I don't have. I try to live a joy filled life to the best of my ability. Some days...could be better though.
Let me explain this in the most generic way possible. These symptoms which are on-going, and between the daily task of trying to figure out how decrease the muscular spasms, but maximize the time where you are well, while remaining aware that the smallest amount of medication taken extra could may help rid you of the pain, but end up ruining your day by causing dyskinesia, you end up finding yourself many days exhausted. This takes me back to the verse I began with- Mark 14:38
I'm only thirty-three but some days I FEEL sixty-three. Some days, I want to do so much, but my body will not cooperate with my will. You learn the true meaning of "flexibility," in situations like these and to rely on God more than . After all, we all long for independence, right? Relying on God is usually most people's back-up plan, but I have learned that no one is ever really independent. If for no other reason than in our humanity, we were created to go to the Lord with the good, the bad, and the ugly.
for relationshio; first with God,then with eachother. So despite this twisted idea society has planted into our minds, of dependence somehow translating into weakness, I choose to believe that one needing help from another when in reference to a medical/ physical necessity really is not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Because:
I have a love/hate relationship with my two most influential muses- Juvenile Parkinson's and Dystonia.
At the age of eight, a year after my symptoms had begun appearing, I decided that I'd never allow this my diseases define who I am. Of course, looking at myself now, I'm not sure I've done the best job these past couple of years.
You see, these two neurological disorders have definitely made my life much different than I'd hoped it would be.
Let me explain this in the most generic way possible. These symptoms which are on-going, and between the daily task of trying to figure out how decrease the muscular spasms, but maximize the time where you are well, while remaining aware that the smallest amount of medication taken extra could may help rid you of the pain, but end up ruining your day by causing dyskinesia, you end up finding yourself many days exhausted. This takes me back to the verse I began with- Mark 14:38
I'm only thirty-three but some days I FEEL sixty-three. Some days, I want to do so much, but my body will not cooperate with my will. You learn the true meaning of "flexibility," in situations like these and to rely on God more than the usual.
After all, we all long for independence, right? Relying on God is usually most people's back-up plan, but I have learned that no one is ever really independent. If for no other reason than in our humanity, we were created as dependent creatures,
for relationship- first with God,then with each other. So despite this twisted idea society has planted into our minds, of dependence somehow translating into weakness, I choose to believe that one needing help from another when in reference to a medical/ physical necessity really is not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Because no matter how many times I've been told by people to call them once I'm better and more 'stable' or that it' too tiring to load and unload a wheelchair in and out of a trunk and then have to deal with assisting me when not well, or the most popular one since having moved to South Florida, 'they don't have time to waste on someone who may potentially ruin your plans.'
While I can appreciate and understand those concerns & appreciate frustrations I don't necessarily agree that is the correct approach to situations as mine. It's actually rather disheartening to see that in the times we are living in, selfishness is an automatic reaction as opposed to selflessness.
I don't know, but I was taught that we can't always get things how we wanted or the way we wanted, but if we would take the time to respond instead of simply react, we might open ourselves up to opportunities which help us grow. And all though everything in society reeks of the stench of 'me-ism,' I choose to believe that maybe, just maybe, when these negative reactions occur, it's due to lack of knowledge, or fear. Moreover, there are always people who have it a lot worse than us; whose crosses are much heavier. It's always humbling to turn around and be available to those whose crosses are heavier. Keep your eyes open.
Aside from this sour experience, I am not dismayed, nor shall I be. I may struggle with understanding just how worthy I am, but I know everything happens for a reason, and though I rarely am able to grasp 'why,' I choose to 'keep my eyes on Jesus,' no matter how stormy the sea may get.
I choose to believe in the simplicity of the second commandment, "love thy neighbor as thine self" and in the kindness and love we all had molded into our hearts by the Great Artist Himself. I choose to believe that most of us were born with a servant's heart, naturally inclining us towards living that out in our every day lives, in helping others.
I trust that like all other hurdles, I will only come out of this stronger. I choose to respond instead of react, hoping that reflecting upon things, rather than reacting immediately is a virtue we all want to attain. We just aren't sure how.
"Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand." Mother Teresa
At the age of eight, a year after my symptoms had begun appearing, I decided that I'd never allow this my diseases define who I am. Of course, looking at myself now, I'm not sure I've done the best job these past couple of years.
You see, these two neurological disorders have definitely made my life much different than I'd hoped it would be.
Let me explain this in the most generic way possible. These symptoms which are on-going, and between the daily task of trying to figure out how decrease the muscular spasms, but maximize the time where you are well, while remaining aware that the smallest amount of medication taken extra could may help rid you of the pain, but end up ruining your day by causing dyskinesia, you end up finding yourself many days exhausted. This takes me back to the verse I began with- Mark 14:38
I'm only thirty-three but some days I FEEL sixty-three. Some days, I want to do so much, but my body will not cooperate with my will. You learn the true meaning of "flexibility," in situations like these and to rely on God more than you'd like to. After all, we all long for independence, right? Relying on God is usually most people's back-up plan, but I have learned that no one is ever really independent. If for no other reason than in our humanity, we were created f
or relationship; first with God,then with eachother. So despite this twisted idea society has planted into our minds, of dependence somehow translating into weakness, I choose to believe that one needing help from another when in reference to a medical/ physical necessity really is not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Because no matter how big the designer is you work for, or how much money you make, how much make up you wear to cover your scars, we are all made of flesh and blood. We are all human, making us all susceptible and vulnerable when it comes to suffering. This is truth.
I have a love/hate relationship with my two most influential muses- Juvenile Parkinson's and Dystonia.
At the age of eight, a year after my symptoms had begun appearing, I decided that I'd never allow this my diseases define who I am. Of course, looking at myself now, I'm not sure I've done the best job these past couple of years.
You see, these two neurological disorders have definitely made my life much different than I'd hoped it would be. I choose to focus on the blessings that have come as a result of what I go through, rather than ponder on what I don't have. I try to live a joy filled life to the best of my ability. Some days...could be better though.
Let me explain this in the most generic way possible. These symptoms which are on-going, and between the daily task of trying to figure out how decrease the muscular spasms, but maximize the time where you are well, while remaining aware that the smallest amount of medication taken extra could may help rid you of the pain, but end up ruining your day by causing dyskinesia, you end up finding yourself many days exhausted. This takes me back to the verse I began with- Mark 14:38
I'm only thirty-three but some days I FEEL sixty-three. Some days, I want to do so much, but my body will not cooperate with my will. You learn the true meaning of "flexibility," in situations like these and to rely on God more than . After all, we all long for independence, right? Relying on God is usually most people's back-up plan, but I have learned that no one is ever really independent. If for no other reason than in our humanity, we were created to go to the Lord with the good, the bad, and the ugly.
for relationshio; first with God,then with eachother. So despite this twisted idea society has planted into our minds, of dependence somehow translating into weakness, I choose to believe that one needing help from another when in reference to a medical/ physical necessity really is not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Because:
I have a love/hate relationship with my two most influential muses- Juvenile Parkinson's and Dystonia.
At the age of eight, a year after my symptoms had begun appearing, I decided that I'd never allow this my diseases define who I am. Of course, looking at myself now, I'm not sure I've done the best job these past couple of years.
You see, these two neurological disorders have definitely made my life much different than I'd hoped it would be.
Let me explain this in the most generic way possible. These symptoms which are on-going, and between the daily task of trying to figure out how decrease the muscular spasms, but maximize the time where you are well, while remaining aware that the smallest amount of medication taken extra could may help rid you of the pain, but end up ruining your day by causing dyskinesia, you end up finding yourself many days exhausted. This takes me back to the verse I began with- Mark 14:38
I'm only thirty-three but some days I FEEL sixty-three. Some days, I want to do so much, but my body will not cooperate with my will. You learn the true meaning of "flexibility," in situations like these and to rely on God more than the usual.
After all, we all long for independence, right? Relying on God is usually most people's back-up plan, but I have learned that no one is ever really independent. If for no other reason than in our humanity, we were created as dependent creatures,
for relationship- first with God,then with each other. So despite this twisted idea society has planted into our minds, of dependence somehow translating into weakness, I choose to believe that one needing help from another when in reference to a medical/ physical necessity really is not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Because no matter how many times I've been told by people to call them once I'm better and more 'stable' or that it' too tiring to load and unload a wheelchair in and out of a trunk and then have to deal with assisting me when not well, or the most popular one since having moved to South Florida, 'they don't have time to waste on someone who may potentially ruin your plans.'
While I can appreciate and understand those concerns & appreciate frustrations I don't necessarily agree that is the correct approach to situations as mine. It's actually rather disheartening to see that in the times we are living in, selfishness is an automatic reaction as opposed to selflessness.
I don't know, but I was taught that we can't always get things how we wanted or the way we wanted, but if we would take the time to respond instead of simply react, we might open ourselves up to opportunities which help us grow. And all though everything in society reeks of the stench of 'me-ism,' I choose to believe that maybe, just maybe, when these negative reactions occur, it's due to lack of knowledge, or fear. Moreover, there are always people who have it a lot worse than us; whose crosses are much heavier. It's always humbling to turn around and be available to those whose crosses are heavier. Keep your eyes open.
Aside from this sour experience, I am not dismayed, nor shall I be. I may struggle with understanding just how worthy I am, but I know everything happens for a reason, and though I rarely am able to grasp 'why,' I choose to 'keep my eyes on Jesus,' no matter how stormy the sea may get.
I choose to believe in the simplicity of the second commandment, "love thy neighbor as thine self" and in the kindness and love we all had molded into our hearts by the Great Artist Himself. I choose to believe that most of us were born with a servant's heart, naturally inclining us towards living that out in our every day lives, in helping others.
I trust that like all other hurdles, I will only come out of this stronger. I choose to respond instead of react, hoping that reflecting upon things, rather than reacting immediately is a virtue we all want to attain. We just aren't sure how.
"Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand." Mother Teresa
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