Still

Cancer- I hate the word. It is one of the worst and most common worldwide, pandemics.

Most people have been affected by this terrible illness personally in some way. The first encounter I had with this horrid disease was at age three. My great grandmother- colon cancer. I had no idea just how close to home this home wrecking burden would come.

Feb 1996 my grandfather is diagnosed with stage four bone cancer. 

June 24, 1996 he is called home at 57.

November 1998- my five year old Godbrother passes after having over fourteen brain surgeries since the day he was born , trying to remove numerous brain tumors.

June 1997- grandmother has a mastectomy to try and remove cancer found in right breast

August 1997- mom diagnosed with breast cancer 

May 2009- best friend's dad passes due to cancer -92

June 2010- friend's dad diagnosed with cancer in shoulder. Still in treatment to this day . Has been in and out of remission for years.

May 2015- FrHarris , my parish priest here in Florida is told the cancer he had when younger has returned. He's had four to five different operations to try remove it but it keeps returning.

October  2015 - friend's father passes from brain cancer. Started off with only lung cancer . Never smoked a day of his life and was under 65 and from the day he was diagnosed to the day he passed wasn't even a year . Eight months to be exact .

November 2015- Dannielle Ginobil, my baby, diagnosed with cancer of liver and spleen . Is given 6 months, but only lasts me three and a half.

July 2015- a family friend's mom has a stroke and upon further examination it's determined the reason for the stroke was a brain tumor .  Still fighting.

October 2014- Our neighbor tells us they've found her husband has cancer in the liver. Has had three operations and is still hanging on.

I know there are many more whom I've known that have passed as a result of this disease... These are just a handful .

Knowing so many who've dealt with cancer and everything it brings, brought me to a place. A place  very familiar, yet at times, conveniently overlooked- my knees.

Where?

Complete surrender. We aren't given many, if any choices when confronted by hardship, trial , and eventually tragedy.

The one place we should be, is often the one place we don't want to be...at his feet in complete and utter surrender.

Why?

Maybe because it's just not fair, and though you can somewhat 'get and accept ' the idea of suffering, all of this escalates at least twenty times if not more, when you see someone close to you have to live this day in and day out . Even the thought of it is exhausting and horrific .

Way too much pain for any person to have to endure and far too complex for us to wrap our head around.

Maybe it's because you are currently getting through cancer treatments and though everyone says you'll come out stronger, you know you're actually getting weaker, but you'll never admit it to anyone . Not even yourself .

Maybe because you're tired of feeling so helpless as so many around you suffer so much. Because you want nothing more than to carry this cross for them,in hopes of it relieving some of their pain.

I wish I knew . I wish I had answers, but I don't . However, I keep coming back ho that place ... Surrender.  

All the hours volunteered raising money to help find a cure cannot even come close to the power of surrender. 
Surrender your fears, anger, loneliness, distrust and sorrow. 
I do know that instead of counting what we lack , let's try focusing on what we have.
Life is a gift , and we aren't ever promised tomorrow. Don't take it for granted, and always ALWAYS let love be your driving force behind everything you do.

Because what we see as finite is only the beginning for those who choose to seek .Him out . Always be thankful, even through the storms and if we keep our eyes on Jesus, we can make it through.
With Him anything and everything is possible, just as long as we keep our eyes on Jesus, not even cancer stands a chance.